Apparently I am Bulimic

I had a strange conversation with a strange employee yesterday who believes that participating in a training for endurance races is a form of Bulimia. First of all he had to have meant Anorexia since I don't know a single endurance athlete that binges and then purges, at least not on purpose, there are of course those days that you eat too much before a long run or take in too many calories during a long ride and your body decides to revolt with a full frontal attack.

So let's take a look at what Anorexia is and how it compares to endurance athletes

1. Anorexia is defined as a person that is 15% below their ideal weight. For me a 5'-8" 138lb male, I have an ideal weight between 145-161, with over 161 being condidered overweight, so I am 4.8% below my ideal weight. No
   
2. Rapid weight loss over several weeks and months - I have fluctuated around the high 130's since I was in high school. No
   
3. Having an unusual interest in food, calories, nutrition and cooking - every endurance athlete has an unusual interest in nutrition that sometimes tips into complete obsession about calories and nutrition but for the exact opposite reason than anorexics, we have to make sure that we are getting enough calories during our workouts. Yes
   
4. Depression, anxiety and irritability - I've got 10+ hours of workouts scheduled for this week which is only going to increase as the weeks go on, so yes I am depressed and irritable. You got a problem with that? Yes
   
5. Wearing loose clothing to hide weight loss - I am in a Speedo and cycling shorts as much as I am in jeans. No
   
6. Social withdrawal - After a 3+ hour workout the last thing that I want to do is go out and socialize. Yes
   
7. Compulsive exercise - No comment. Yes

So it appears that there is a possibility that I am actually anorexic. I will seek help immediately.

Actors/Athletes

Something really irks me about actors participating in athletic events like marathons and triathlons, it might be that I have to balance a full time job, family and the pocket book in order to afford a coach, gear and entry fees in order to race and all these stars have to do it turn down the next film role and train with world class coaches and Olympic champions. So after a lot of thought this is how I have decided to deal with my frustration; I find out the times that these movie stars are coming in at and that is my time to beat just to prove that the best coaches can't make you fast or able. Worked out for the run of the US Open compared to Matt Damon's 59:54 for his 10K at the Miami Triathlon and I came in at 52:03 and that was with him only doing the running leg and I had already swam nearly a mile and biked 25 miles, so Ha! suck on that!

Now I have my first marathon goal time.

Our Dumb World

Our Dumb World is an atlas of the World presented by The Onion. It manages to inform (poorly) and entertain at the same time. For instance, here's their description of Israel:

Home to one-third of the world's Jews and two-thirds of the world's anti-Semites, the nation of Israel is a place so holy that merely walking in it can gain you a place in the World to Come, nowadays often within minutes.

and...

Site where Jesus turned water into 2,000 years of unending conflict.

Film Addicts

Are you a film addict?

I thought that I was until I took this and only got 40.8%. I know that there are some films on here that are must sees that I haven't seen yet like the Alien trilogy and Schindlers List but what ya gonna do?

The Periodic Table of Awesoments

Click to enlarge.

Ilibu Dibu Douchoo

I guess that every country needs their own William Hung

This is the Bulgarian version of American Idol. The translation at the bottom of the screen is what she is singing.

Done With The News

I am very close to giving up on the news all together and sticking to things that are safer like music and sports; with sports at least you still get the drama but very rarely does anybody get killed and when someone loses their job you know that they are going to get hired somewhere else or they made enough money that they will be alright for a while, shoot, even Wade Phillips will get picked up by somebody by next season.

The final straw came for me today with two stories on the front page of the Dallas Morning News (or Liberal Rag as my dad calls it), the first story, with a large color picture, was about how Dallas is trying to cut down on it's stray population and is euthanizing most of the captured dogs. The picture is of a dirty stray being wrangled by one of those dog catcher nooses with the dog attacking the pole like any frightened, hungry animal would do. Now, I live in ignorant bliss about somethings and this is one of them, I know that there are strays out there and I know that a lot of dogs are put down due to any number of reasons but there isn't a whole lot that I can do about it. I got my dog for free from a family that had a stray wonder up on their land pregnant, I don't frequent pet stores that sell dogs and plead with anyone that I talk to that is thinking about getting a dog to go to the pound or a rescue society first before going to a breeder. I also don't want stray dogs running around either since most nights my wife or I are taking our dog for a run and I must admit I need motivation to get out and run especially during the winter but being chased by a crazed dog is not the kind of motivation that I need.

The other story has to do with, of course, the bailouts and how banks are not only refusing to release information as to where the tax payers money has gone but can't track the money. The AP called 21 banks all of whom declined to disclose details as to their spending. This is another one of those articles that I figure all you can do is throw up your hands and say this is way bigger than me so once again the american public get shafted by the rich and powerful. I have been having that exact thought go through my head alot more often lately and have started to wonder if anyone is for the little guy anymore.

So I think that I will stick what's safe for a while, that being the sports page and the comics.

I'm A Cat Person

I Tried

I tried to warn the media not to start blowing "the 'Boys are back" horn before they played a formidable opponent but did they listen to me? No!

New Poll

What do you guys think will be the ultimate fate of Plaxico Burress?

Tomlinson Ran Over Me!

The NFL will mark a momentous occasion tonight as it broadcasts it's first game in 3D at theaters in Los Angeles, New York and Boston. If this takes off, all those arm chair Quaterbacks can finally feel as if they are really a part of the game. There are some pessimists to the advancement of this technology, thinking that it will be too expensive and will exclude the people that don't want to go to a theater to watch a game. Well we'll just have to show them by putting on the best smashmouth game of the year. So who is it that the NFL has decided should convince the Owner's, GM's and the world that we need to see football in 3D?

Oh... the umm...4-8 Chargers vs. the 3-9 Raiders; great choice, I'm sure this will strike excitement into the hearts of those doubters.

NFL, you should fire your marketing director.

Best Holiday Commercial

I had forgotten about this commercial until my wife reminded me of it last night. It definitely ranks up there with one of the best commercials I've seen.

Give Credit When Credit's Due

It's no surprise to anyone when I say that I am no fan of the Cowboys. Growing up and in my home now we live by the ABC rule - (Anybody But the Cowboys). The abhorrence started back in the early 90's when they were winning all the Superbowl's and everyone was jumping on the band wagon; there was the arrogance of Michael Irvin and through this whole thing you still have Jerry Jones at the helm making bad decisions and bringing in troubled players that cause more trouble off the field then help on the field.

There is a point to this post, I swear I'm not just venting.

The Cowboys have been going through a bit of a rough patch as of late, what with and Romo's broken pinkie, Pacman Jones getting into more trouble, and a slew of other injuries not to mention they have lost of few games during this time. But they have won their last two games with much applause from the Dallas newpapers. Let's take a look at the last two games and who the opponents were. Week 12 - first game back with Romo and they have to have the fearsome 2-9 49ers and in week 13 on Thanksgiving day they faced the powerhouse 2-9 Seahawks. Woohoo they won both games!
Let's hold off on the "Cowboys are back" talk until they face some real teams again. Their last four weeks should be a test against the Steelers, Giants, Ravens and Eagles. If they can come out with winning two games I will be surprised. Let's also not forget that it is December.

Iron and Wine on ACL

I'm not a big fan of Iron and Wine but their performance on Austin City Limits last week was phenomenal.

I can't find the video to embed so you'll have to link to it here.

One Man Band

In a compilation of 64 videos all shown at once, one man recreates Thriller; the howls, the beats, everything with his own voice.

100 Greatest Singers

Every so often Rollingstone puts out a best of list, whether it be the best albums, songwriters, guitarist or whatever else they can come up with. I love and hate to read these lists; I love to read them to see what other musicians and recording industry folk have to say about the matter but I hate to read them because I always think they've got it wrong. Well in the latest Rollingstone they have compiled their list of the 100 Greatest Singers ever. They really stick their necks out each time these lists are published and I'm sure that they receive hundreds of emails letting them know who they forgot or "this person is better then this person". Well to keep with the standard here are my high points of how I think they got it wrong.

1. Elvis Presley is #3, really?
   
2. Bob Dylan even breaking into the top ten is a travesty. Even when you can understand what he's saying you don't want to hear it.
3. Karen Carpenter is buried way too deep back at #94
4. There are only 8 singers on the list that started getting recognition after the 1990's
5. I could probably make a list of 100 more singers that were left out
   

A good singer should make your soul ache and cause you to take pause of everything that you are doing or thinking and give all your attention to the song. The quote from Rollingstone that I do like is "a vocal is a kind of audible kiss."

Who do you think was forgotten, misplaced or accidentally made the list?

Man, my iPod's dead and all I have is some Gatorade and an onion.

Making Sports More Fun

Watching sports would be even more fun if the commentators were more like this.



Refs also need to lighten up, they could learn a few things from Ron Cherry.

Denton Turkey Roll

This last weekend was our last bike rally for the year; it was the Denton Turkey Roll. We haven't done many bike rallies this year but have thoroughly enjoyed the ones that we have participated in, with the Hotter N' Hell Hundred being our main one for the year and our first century ride. During the training for the HHH we had done a number of 50+ mile rides and one 75 mile ride along with all the training we were doing for the US Open triathlon, so we felt pretty prepared for the ride and as it turns out we fared pretty well in the end. So it would be reasonable to think that having done a century ride and now at the beginning of the training for a 70.3 that we would be able to hack a 75 mile ride at the drop of a hat, that is where you would be wrong my friend. Whatever endurance we had after the HHH has long gone the way of the Dodo. We started out strong and feeling good through the first 40-45 miles, the cold wasn't much of a factor after the first 10 miles and even wanted to shed layers a couple of times but then somewhere in there I got my first flat and so we got a little rest without having to show weakness and ask for one. Also around 45 miles we decided to take the optional 100K turn when it came because "Kati had to get to a baby shower", I swear that was the real reason. The 100K turn never showed it's ugly face and when we asked someone at one of the rest stations they knew nothing about it, it was all or nothing. So we continued on giving each other words of encouragement along the way until we reached our final destination.

There are two rather embarrassing things about this ride. The first one is that the HHH took Kati and I 5:30 of actual pedal time to complete, this 75 mile ride took us 5:08. Stop laughing! The first embarrassing thing I could handle accept except for the fact that we were doing this ride with my triathlon coach, who tried to talk me out of riding this distance this early in the training and who has done a number of Ironman races and has been on IR from running for the past three months so all he has been doing in cycling. Can you say skunked?

Write Ins

I have always wondered how many people actually write in a name on the ballot during the elections and who they write; so below is a list of write ins from Duval County, Florida. The one thing that I can't figure out is why four people wrote in Obama.

234 Hilary Clinton
174 Ron Paul
23 None of the above
23 Jesus
21 Mike Huckabee
14 Mitt Romney
8 Colin Powell
6 God
4 Obama
4 Rudy Giulliani
4 Steven Colbert
3 Donald Duck
3 Donald Foy
3 Mickey Mouse
3 T. Boone Pickens
2 Bill Cosby
2 Chuck Norris
2 Condoleeza Rice
2 Lou Dobbs
2 Pago Possum
2 Sarah Palin
2 Senator Brownback
1 Bill Clinton
1 Bobby Bowden (Florida State football coach)
1 Oprah
1 Joe The Plummer
1 Willie Nelson
1 "Me"

There aren't many healthy cereals that i enjoy, to be perfectly honest i could sit down to a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch 3 meals a day and be perfectly happy for the remainder of my days. The one healthy cereal that i do like is Frosted Mini Wheats but there is a certain way that they must be eaten and that is without milk. Milk tends to wash off the frosting after a while and ultimately turns the bowl into a big pile of mush. My favorite time of the week is when i am down to the last bowl and i get the dregs of the box, this is all the little tid bits that fell off the main morsels and settle at the bottom. This is my favorite part of the box because the frosting to wheat ratio sky rockets making each spoon full bliss. There is a moral dilema that i face each time i need another box though, do i buy the name brand box and get to the dregs faster or do i buy the bigger off brand bag, it takes longer to get to the dregs but there are alot more when you get there. i guess we all have to face our trials.

Attention Starved

Through my short life there have been a few people that have gotten some kind of undue, short term media attention and once it was over have been grasping for every straw to try and get back into America's heart. Cindy Sheehan is a perfect example of this, she came out of no where, stayed longer then she was welcome, made waves and faded away only to turn up every once in a while at rallies across America where she can get her face on camera people's civil liberties are being challenged. The latest person to add to this honored list is Joe The Plumber who has started up a website in support of his upcoming book Fighting For The American Dream. There isn't alot that you can do on the website yet but you can become a member at either the free "We Are Joe" level or the "Freedom Membership" level for a fee of $14.95. All proceeds go to a vague unestablished non-profit organization, whatever that means.

In the immortal words of Fred "Don't just go away, go away mad."

Bail Me Out

Want to get in on the bail outs? Well here is the form that institutions must fill out in order to get some cash from Uncle Sam. Yes, that's the entire form, only two pages; I had to fill out more paper work when I went to the dentist this week. Wasn't one of the causes of this whole mess lending to people without checking their credit, employment status and salary? And yet you can get piles of money from the government for less paperwork then it takes to get a car loan.

So don't delay, applications are due by 5:00pm November 15th, and there's still $125 billion out there in the Treasury's Capital Purchase Program fro some lucky applicants.

XM-Sirius Merger

Well the day is finally here, or it will be tomorrow. In less than 24 hours the merger between XM and Sirius radio will be in full swing. Here is the new channel listing; there are some channels that are being moved over from Sirius and there are stations that are being dropped completely.

There is also new subscription plans. I'm not sure how XM worked but on Sirius there was one monthly fee that got you every channel that they had. Now there are A La Carte subscriptions where the base is $6.99 for 50 channels of your choice with additional channels at $0.25 each with the total price never going above $12.95. In the end I guess that isn't too bad considering that Sirius was $144 a year, this would be $155 if you wanted every channel.

The biggest travesty of all is that my punk channel is now AC/DC radio. Oh the humanity!

Northern Exposure

To the lower 48 Alaska is kind of like the bass player in a band, you kind of need them but they never talk in interviews, they don't write any of the lyrics or music, they're never in the fore front in promo photographs and they're a little off up stairs. This election Alaska seems a bit off upstairs for sure.There is actually a battle for the senate seat even considering that Ted Stevens was convicted on 7 counts of making false statements and now this.

Come On Oakland!

I have never been a big fan of the Oakland Raiders, it always has seemed that Oakland was the place to go to either end your career or you ended up there because you were a problem child and nobody else wanted you. But lately things have been getting out of control. First there was the Kiffen debacle where Al Davis pulled a Jerry Jones and tried to bring in an inexperienced coach on the cheap and expected him to make a difference, but Al still ran the team and selected JaMarcus Russell in the first round of the 2007 draft who turned out to be a lemon. Now Big Al releases DeAngelo Hall just 8 days after signing him to a $70 million contract. Interim coach Tom Cable is quoted as saying he hopes the move sends the message that no ones job is safe. How about Al's, is his job safe?

Here's what Raider fans need to do. Go get this guy.


If he can't rally the troop he can at least get a mob together by intimidation alone. Now they need to storm the Raiders offices and form a coup, but don't take Al as a hostage, people will only meet your demands for things that they hold dear to them and that's not Al. Once you have something of value you need to make a list of demands, this is what I suggest:

1. Al Davis retires and is banished to Elba Island
2. The year is already in the tank so the team has to lose the remaining games so they can get a first round draft pick (this demand depends on the Lions actually winning a game this season)
3. No more metal detectors at the entry gates to McAfee Stadium, it takes forever to take off our spiked football pads and helmets just to walk through the sensors
4. You might as well ask for a helicopter too, everybody asks for a helicopter
   

Come on Raider fans you guys are the rowdiest bunch of fans in the NFL why have you not taken control of this situation yet?

Candy Hierarchy

According to The World's Fair here is the 2008 breakdown of Halloween candy hierarchy.

TOP TIER (caramel, chewy, oh my classy) Caramellos --- Milky Way --- Snickers --- Rolos* --- Twix
POST-TERTIARY (not surprisingly, exclusively chocolate-based) Hershey's Kissables --- Peanut M&M's --- Regular M&Ms --- Junior Mints --- Reese's Peanut Butter Cups --- Three Musketeers --- regular old Hershey Bars -- Reggie Jackson Bar
SECOND TIER (also exclusively chocolate, after fending off a few intruders) Kit-Kat --- Nestle Crunch --- Mounds --- Tootsie Rolls --- Whoppers** --- Dark Chocolate Hershey Bars --- Fair Trade Chocolate --- Butterfinger --- Pay Day --- Baby Ruth
THIRD TIER (also referred to as the chewy range or, in some circles, the Upper Chewy or Upper Devonian) Milk Duds --- Benzedrine -- Jolly Ranchers (if a good flavor) --- 100 Grand Bar
Almond Joy --- Candy Corn*** --- Starburst
BOTTOM TIER (the Lower Chewy and Gummy-Based, also the Middle Crunchy Tart Layer) Dots --- Lollipops --- Nerds --- Runts --- Trail Mix ---Swedish Fish --- Mary Janes --- Gummy Bears straight up --- White Bread --- Licorice -- Anything from Brach's**** --- Hard Candy --- Spree --- Bubble Gum --- Including the Chiclets (but not the erasers) --- Black Jacks --- LemonHeads --- LaffyTaffy --- Good N' Plenty --- Jolly Ranchers (if a bad flavor)***** --- Bottle Caps --- Smarties --- "those odd marshmallow circus peanut things" -- gum from baseball cards
Tier so low it does not register on our equipment Healthy Fruit ---Pencils --- Lapel Pins --- Extra Strength Tylenol --- "anonymous brown globs that come in black and orange wrappers" --- Now'n'Laters --- Hugs (actual physical hugs) --- Whole Wheat anything

*These may be rolled to a friend.

** Whoppers blow.

*** Still no unanimous decision on the placement of Candy Corn, which as of 2006 remained unclassified, but as of 2007 had been tentatively placed in the Upper Chewy/Upper Devonian. 2008: no sighting.

**** Unless its something caramel, pronounced "caramel."

*****Remains an outlier, since it is in no way "chewy." Further studies have not resolved this inconsistency.

I Guess I've Been Tagged

I guess that I have been tagged by Jill to answer the questions below.

4 Random things I love about Kati Lynn Stoddard
1. She can make one scoop from Baskin Robbins last a week
2. She would prefer vegetables over anything
3. If she doesn't get to workout she goes stir crazy
4. She knows what she believes in and sticks to it

4 Jobs I've had:
1. Candy store
2. Endocrinology Lab Tech
3. Laser tag arena
4. Construction

4 Movies I have seen more than once:
1. 300
2. Bottle Rockets
3. Across The Universe
4. Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy

4 TV Shows I watch:
1. Iron Chef
2. The Office
3. The Daily Show
4. Jim Rome is Burning

4 Places I've Been:
1. Leavenworth, WA
2. Berlin, Germany
3. Mesa, AZ
4. SLC, UT

4 places I've lived:
1. Twin Falls, ID
2. Arlington, TX
3. College Station, TX
4. Lewisville, TX

4 Favorite Foods:
1. Baskin Robbins Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream
2. Dad's Spaghetti
3. Central Market's eclairs
4. Mom's Teriaki Chicken Wings (only 271 more days)

4 Places I'd Like to Visit:
1. Egypt
2. Somewhere northeast
3. Caribbean
4. Ireland/Scotland

4 People I tag:
1. Fred - you're the only other person that hasn't been tagged that I know has a blog, sorry.

Electoral College

Above is a chart showing how much your vote is worth in the state that you live. (click to enlarge)

I have something to admit that for most of you will come as no surprise but I am a registered Democrat in Texas, I have to whisper that so when I leave work today I still have a car with functioning tires.This fact puts me at odds every 4 years as to whether I should brave the lines at the nearest voting station to cast a vote that makes no difference at all. I am a firm believer that if you don't vote then you have no reason to complain when your candidate of choice isn't elected but this is a mental battle I fight each time.

The all-or-nothing Electoral College system used by most states to assign electoral votes to a particular candidate can make for some absurd outcomes. For example, say all of the 213 million eligible voters cast a ballot, either McCain or Obama could win enough states to capture the White House with only 47.8 million strategically positioned votes. The presidency could be won with only 22% of the electorate's support which is only 16% of the population.

Each election cycle you get to hear from the media about the disgustingly low percentage of voter turnout at the polls and then you get compared to Australia which has 95% turnout, but they don't use the Electoral College and they can get fined for not voting so this is not a fair comparison. As a matter of fact there are no comparisons because the U.S. is the only country that still uses the Electoral College. I guarantee that if we did away with the all-or-nothing Electoral College system and awarded votes to candidates based on percentages that are won in each state you would see a dramatic spike in voter turnout.

I'm Patrick Stoddard and I approve this message.

Wanda Sykes on the $700 billion Bailout

I'm not a big fan of Wanda Sykes, her voice drives me nuts but she has some good ideas on how to handle the bailout.

Oh, Those Were The Days

Since this has been such a tame election with no one making false accusation about one another I though that I would post, according to Mother Jones (liberal rag as my dad calls it), the Top Ten Most Awsome Mudslinging Moves Ever.

10. 1832 National Republicans say incumbent Andrew Jackson took for himself "a power no Monarch in Europe dared attempt," "the most absolute despot now at the head of any representative government on earth" who exercised "indiscriminate removal of public officers, for the mere difference of political opinion." As 172 years later, it is not enough to lose the president the election.

9. In the 1828 race, John Quincy Adams supporters call Andrew Jackson a slave-trading, gambling, brawling murderer. (Though these slurs are pretty serious, they occupy a low place on the list because they were—being about a man who was shot several times in duels and bar fights—true.)

8. Whigs senselessly call 1848 presidential hopeful Lewis Cass a "pot-bellied, mutton-headed cucumber" in response to Democrats' accusations that opposing candidate Zachary Taylor is, among other things, a crappy dresser.

7. Whigs "prove" that James K. Polk was a slave trader in 1844—by quoting extensively a completely fake excerpt from a book.

6. 1844 Democrats backing James K. Polk claim that Henry Clay had sex with whores and, furthermore, broke all 10 of the commandments; in lieu of evidence, they declare simply that the details are "too disgusting to appear in public print."

5. 1828, again: Jackson supporters accuse Adams of having premarital sex with his wife and being a pimp, claiming he arranged an American hooker for Czar Alexander I.

4. 1800 Federalists claim Republican candidate Thomas Jefferson is dead.

3. Whigs portray incumbent (and son of a farmer) Martin Van Buren as an effete snob with a penchant for really nice perfume and strutting in front of $2,400 mirrors like a peacock. He is, in fact, the lowest-spending president yet, as far as White House purchases are concerned; his opponent, rich kid William Henry Harrison, wins the 1840 race on a (false) platform of loving log cabins and hard cider.

2. Karl Rove-engineered robo-calls help Bush win the 2000 Republican nomination by asking primary voters if they would be "more likely or less likely to vote for John McCain if you knew that he fathered an illegitimate black child?" Negative points for not outright declaring, but just implying, the charge. Bonus points for slinging it inside own party. McCain speculates that "there is a special place in hell for people like those." You know what happened after that.

1. And the 1828 race, again, takes it: Adams supporters attack Jackson's family, calling his dead mother "a common prostitute, brought to this country by the British soldiers," after whose service she "married a MULATTO MAN, with whom she had several children of which number General JACKSON IS ONE!!!" Jackson's wife, who was previously married and (accidentally) not completely divorced prior to her second marriage, they call a "convicted adulteress." When she dies within days of Jackson's victory, he blames Adams' vicious campaign practices, exclaiming at her funeral, "May God Almighty forgive her murderers as I know she forgave them. I never can."

Electing the 44th President, I mean the 43rd

Bush has nicknames for everyone, for his dad it's 41, as in the 41st president and 42 for Clinton. That would make us electing the 44th president next Tuesday right? Not quite.

The number assigned to each president is in conjunction with the new president to take office not terms, if it were terms we would be at 55. Grover Cleveland was president from 1885-89 and again from 1893-97 making him the 22nd and 24th president with Benjamin Harrison in between but this is just a matter of non-consecutive terms. By those standards George Washington was out 1st and 2nd and Thomas Jefferson was our 4th and 5th. Since we're putting asterisks on everything else lets add one here as well.

So good luck next week as we elect our 43rd president.

Not The Way My Fantasy Would Play Out

I love to watch football, I love to watch the pregame shows the post game shows and the shows through out the week talking about the up coming games, injuries and what player screwed up that week and got arrested. With all of this you would think that I could manage a .500 fantasy team but that is not the case (my team is Mr Tuesday Pants). I am the St. Louis Rams of fantasy football, I am a sad sight most weeks but occasionally hand out an upset. This sulking takes an even sadder turn to find out that I even manage a "sucky" league (Oh, The Huge Manatee) where points are given for errors such as interceptions, fumbles and what not. In this league I can't even manage a .500 season. I have only been playing fantasy football for three seasons now and I have never had a winning season and to make things worse this is August Filet's first year to ever play and he is winning the whole thing, which wouldn't hurt so bad except that he hates football.

I wonder what kind of severance package I could get for retiring early?

The 10 Commandments Guidelines of Concert Behavior

Finally this whole charade is coming to an end. I wish that I could say that this was as enjoyable as I thought it would be but it really wasn't. Fortunately it did give me something to post on regularly and now I have to find something else to fill that gap and I refuse to post on the election.

So without any further adieu, here's number 10

X. Thou Shalt Not Act A Fool

Seems too simple and too cynical, I know, but it makes perfect sense, and it's all we really need to guarantee that concerts remain enjoyable for everyone involved.

So you ask, "How do you know if I'm actin' a fool?" Well, if you have to ask, you probably are pretty close. If you want a reliable indicator, I stand by the Nana Test. Whenever I'm out in public and have the urge to do something rash, which is more often than I'm comfortable admitting, I stop a moment and think about what my Nana (that's the same as Grandma for those of you who didn't grow up in New Jersey) would do if she witnessed me doing whatever I'm thinking about doing. Just imagine what would your granny say if she saw you violently puking at a show. Or making out with the guy with the driving gloves and the Free Mustache Rides T-Shirt. Or honking a fatty in a smoke-free venue. Harsh right?

So that is the end. I hope that you have enjoyed these rules and will take them to heart the next time that you are at a concert or at least be able to call someone out and let them know which rules they are breaking.


Previous Guidelines:
I. Thou Shalt Not Puke
II. Thou Shalt Not Fart
III. Thou Shalt Not Smoke
IV. Thou Shalt Not Take Crappy Pictures With Your Cell Phone
V. Thou Shall Show Up On Time
VI. Thou Shalt Not Request Songs
VII. Thou Shall Respect The Personal Space of Others
VIII. Thou Shalt Not Sing Along Unless Explicitly Directed by the Performer(s)
IX. Thou Shalt Not Talk

I Don't Wanna Grow Up

Well today was my last triathlon of the season and my last race in the 25-29 age group. Next year I get bumped up to the 30-34 age group which has stiff competition. Perfect example is that I placed third in my age group today which would have put me at ninth in the 30-34 year olds but the good news I that I would have only needed to take a minute and a half off my time to have placed in that age group, so there is still hope.

Normally getting third place would be very exciting but the time between first place and third place was only thirty seconds, which with that small amount of time you start to pick apart your race and find out where you could have improved. Here is what I have some up with; there are two things that I did wrong leading up to this race.

1. The Toyota US Open was two weeks ago; it takes about a week to recover from a race of that length and then you have a week where you have to decide whether you are suppose to be training or tappering. I decided to split the difference and somehow ended up with a knee injury which takes us to lesson #2
2. The knee pain showed up on Tuesday after a 5.5 mile run which left me with four days of no running just icing twice a day. I believe the injury occured because I under pronate which caused me alot of pain in my Medial Collateral Tendon. I used a run on Saturday to determine whether I would be able to race at all today. This run was a big mistake, over all the run felt good but I ran in my Vibram Five Fingers which are great "shoes" but they are not like riding a bike, your body does forget how to use them. When I woke up this morning by calfs were noticably sore which cause problems all day.

So what did I learn from these experiences? Don't put races this close together unless you are going from a sprint triathlon to a longer race is does not work in reverse. This probably would have solved both problems. Unfortunately these two items kept me off the first place pedestal that I have no doubt would have been mine.

"Stayin' Alive" Saved My Life

You hear all the time about how a certain band or song heard at the right time saved a person's life or got their life back on track but apparently the Bee Gee's track "Stayin' Alive" can actually save your life. The song has 103 beats per minute which is only 3 beats more then the recommended beats per minute to perform CPR correctly.

I guess all those times growing up, getting a hair cut from my dad listening to this song will pay off.

The best part of this article is the last quote.

A Dog's Day Out

I had an experience this morning that I hope to not soon repeat. I was taking the dog for her morning walk on the same route that I take her on every time. There is one particular dog that is often on it's walk during the same time that I knew was a ticking time bomb. Everytime we pass each other the owner moves the dog (which is always wearing a muzzle) to the other side of the street, makes the dog sit facing away from us and straddles the dog and doesn't let it look anywhere except away from us. Now I always leave my dog off leash because she is very obedient and stays close even if there is another dog, cat or squirrel near by. So now that I have set this up let the story begin. Ollie is about 20 feet ahead of me and this dog with it's owner comes around the corner. The owner was obviously not looking ahead because they did not move to the other side of the road. The psycho dog (pit bull I might add) bolted for Ollie and broke out of her muzzle and the chase was on. Ollie took off in the direction that we just came from and I was on their heels. Ollie pulls a quick u-turn and is now heading for the house. At this point I have had to kick off my Birkenstocks because it is impossible to run in them and now I'm hoofing it down the road in socks. Luckily she cut across the yard on the corner and the pit bull took a jog around the cars in the driveway which gave me a chance to cut the corner and head off the dog. So now I'm in front of this psycho dog thinking "What the hell am I suppose to do now", so I assume the position of a soccer goalie waiting for a penalty kick and thankfully this dog wasn't as psycho as I thought and stops about three feet in front of me long enough for the owners to get there and get some control over the dog. All I say is "What the hell?" and "I have to get my shoes", that was all I could muster at the moment. So I get my shoes call Ollie back, who is standing at the final turn of our walk, she comes over, I give her some loves and we finish the lovely stroll home.

So now my dilema is what do I do now? There is not another good way to take the dog on a quick 20 minute walk just due to where our house is in conjunction with a major road. So do I leave her off leash so that if this happens again she can get away or do I put on a leash near that house so I can have her close then risk the chance of having Ollie get the leash wrapped around me so that I can't do anything? Advice?

The Cowardly Lion?

Ian O'Connor from Fox Sports claims that Jerry Jones' cowardice is to blame for the off field antics of Pacman Jones. Anyone that believes that has never read a Dallas news paper. Jerry Jones is so blinded by greed and a Super Bowl ring that he would trade his own mother to the Rams to get it. His lack of disciplinary action against Pacman has everything to do with winning being his number one priority, not a fear of Pacman or Goodell. Phillips has also caught alot of heat lately for his soft handed coaching on and off the field. Hear me now and believe me later, Phillips does not run that team, Jones does. If Phillips is soft handed it is because Jones has told him to be or Phillips is scared of the retribution that would barrel down on him if he made any of Jones' troubled kids cry.

The Cowboys have become the answer to soap operas for adult males. First, he brings in Terrell Owens, a known locker room dvivider and sideline cryer, next its Tank Williams and Pacman Jones, both felons. Then yesterday Jones trades a first, third and sixth round draft pick for Roy Williams and a seventh round pick from the Lions. There are two problems with this, one: you gave up a first round draft pick? Are you stupid? If you are going to give up a first round then you better be sure that he is going to perform right out of the starting gate. Two, how is T.O. going to handle this? He's like a five year old, he hates to share. You can't bring another male lion (no pum intended) into the pride and not expect there to be division amongst the ranks.

This should be fun to watch.

Drought May Be Ending

It has been a rough summer for CD releases. Not only have there been none to speak of but the ones that were high anticipation releases ended up being nothing to write home about. There was Radiohead's release, which was groundbreaking for every reason except for the quality of the songs. Then there was 10 Years and The Kooks who fell so far down the sophomore slump cavern that they may never see the light of day again. There have been albums that should never have been released, namely Scarlett Johansson's - Anywhere I Lay My Head, The Naked Brothers - I Don't want to go to School, and anything having to do with High School Musical. There have also been some suprise successes such as Candlebox's - Into The Sun, which is their first release in ten years. But over the past few weeks there have been a few releases that might save this year yet. If you haven't listened to these yet then they deserve a fair shot.

Keane - Perfect Symmetry
Ray La Montangue - Gossip In The Grain
Brett Dennen - Hope For The Hopeless
Jack's Mannequin - The Glass Passenger
Dresdon Dolls - No, Virginia

British Safety videos from the 70's

Here are some fear based public safety videos from Britain in the 1970's. All I can say is "Splink"? Aren't acronyms suppose to be made up of words you can remember, not words like "If" for "I". That leaves you thinking "If, umm...if what?"

End Women's Suffrage

In honor of the up coming election here is a video that demonstrates the ignorance of our young people today.

Cowboy Up!

Since the Cowboys near loss to the 0-5 Bangles on Sunday they have been extra sensitive to pressure and criticism from the media. If you bring the circus to town you are going to get some attention; you have an owner that doesn't know how to stay in his owner’s box and comes to the field to coach or console TO for only getting involved in half of the offensive plays during that weeks game. You've brought on two troubled players in Tank Johnson who has been arrested on weapons charges multiple time over the past few years and Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones who has quite the list of legal troubles including; assault, felony vandalism, drug possession, and for the involvement of a shooting at a Las Vegas strip club causing one patron to be paralyzed from the waist down and just yesterday the police were called out to a Dallas hotel where Pacman got into an altercation with one of the body guard Jerry Jones hired to keep him in line. If these are the clowns that you’re bringing in don’t complain when people are peeking in the windows waiting for you to implode. In addition, you have one of the greatest rosters in the NFL right now and you haven’t won a playoff game or had a winning month of October in 12 years. Here’s my suggestion, a one strike out policy for Tank Johnson and Pacman Jones (if the NFL does do this form you), limit the medias access to the locker rooms and training camps. TO can’t complain to anyone if no one is there to ask him any questions and start thinking about monetary penalties aside from what the NFL hands down. This team doesn’t need to lose games in order to self destruct; they’ll do that to themselves from the inside.

Liquid Assets

If you had purchased $1,000 worth of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today

If you had purchased $1,000 worth of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 worth of shares in Lehman Bros. one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, and drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for a recycling refund you would have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg

A recent study shows that the average American walks 900 miles a year.

Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means that, on average, American's get 41 miles to the gallon!

The Oh So Many Uses of Craig's List

It seems that Craig's List can be used for far more than just selling your old dishwasher. One guy used it to hire accomplices for the robbery of an armored car.

It appears to have unfolded this way, according to a Seattle-based NBC affiliate: around 11:00 a.m. PDT on Tuesday, the robber, wearing a yellow vest, safety goggles, a blue shirt, and a respirator mask went over to a guard who was overseeing the unloading of cash to the bank from the truck. He sprayed the guard with pepper spray, grabbed his bag of money, and fled the scene.

The robber had previously put out a Craigslist ad for road maintenance workers, promising wages of $28.50 per hour. Recruits were asked to wait near the Bank of America right around the time of the robbery--wearing yellow vests, safety goggles, a respirator mask, and preferably a blue shirt. At least a dozen of them showed up after responding to the Craigslist ad.

"I came across the ad that was for a prevailing wage job for $28.50 an hour," one of the unwitting decoys, named Mike, said to the NBC station. As it turns out, they were simply placed there to confuse cops who were looking for a guy wearing a virtually identical outfit.

Authorities eventually found the getaway inner tube (a getaway inner tube!) and suspect that accomplices may have picked up the robber in a boat. According to the NBC affiliate, police hope to track him down by figuring out who posted the Craigslist ad in the first place.

The 10 Commandments Guidelines of Concert Behavior

IX. Thou Shalt Not Talk

In his rare moments of lucidity, my father likes to tell a story about a Springsteen show in 1974 during which Bruce brought out a violinist and refused to start Jungleland until the auditorium was completely silent. Can you even imagine that today? See, I'm not even talking about imposing total silence. Order a cocktail, hoot and/or holler and mention to your neighbor that the lead singer has really ballooned up since getting off the horse; it's all good. What I'm talking about are people so engrossed in their conversations that the show becomes background noise, or even worse, a nuisance to be overcome by speaking even louder. For your convenience, I've broken this genus into three common species:

Sons of Herodotus - For these guys (and they're always guys) the show only exists to provide context for their encyclopedic knowledge of the band. I saw Wilco at First Avenue on their inaugural tour and found myself standing near a particularly enthusiastic chap who, for the duration of Wilco's set, chronicled the history of Uncle Tupelo. He even sang his favorite UT songs while Tweedy and the boys tried bravely (albeit unsuccessfully) to sell numbers like Passenger Side to Pavement's disinterested fans.

Scenewiches - These people (50/50 gender split) are here for one or more of the following reasons:

• the band or artist's reputation as a live act
  
• the local weekly has been pimping the band or artist
  
• their first single was prominently featured on The Hills

Subsequently, they show up to hear the new single (of course, they're already "sick of" the first single), to be seen and to reinforce their With It Quotient by dragging a group of friends along. I had a row of Scenewiches behind me at a recent Springsteen show who reacted like Girls In Their Summer Clothes was musical manna, then talked about Missy's ugly divorce throughout New York City Serenade once they decided it was some of Bruce's "older stuff."

Peaches (females) and Herbs (males) - For these folks, the show is a convenient venue to catch up with friends. The show only exists to fill brief gaps while the gang plans bachelorette parties and catches up on gossip. When Donald Fagen stopped in the Twin Cities, I had the pleasure of sitting in front of eight Herbs who spent most of the evening discussing the upcoming softball season and debating whether a certain guy could be trusted to man the hot corner.

Previous Guidelines:
I. Thou Shalt Not Puke
II. Thou Shalt Not Fart
III. Thou Shalt Not Smoke
IV. Thou Shalt Not Take Crappy Pictures With Your Cell Phone
V. Thou Shall Show Up On Time
VI. Thou Shalt Not Request Songs
VII. Thou Shall Respect The Personal Space of Others
IX. Thou Shalt Not Sing Along Unless Explicitly Directed by the Performer(s)

Literal Music Video

The guy that does the singing sounds a lot like Morten Harket (yes, I had to look that name up)

100 Skills Every Man Should Know

Popular Mechanics has devised a list of 100 things that every man should know how to do. You can also take a quiz on some of the skills (I scored an 1100). At the bottom there is a list of 20 tools that every man should have in their garage. I need to go to Home Depot.

Training For Mass Swim Starts

Last month August Filet did a run down of how our last race went and had a perfect description of how a mass swim start is. For those of you that still can't picture the insanity of it all here is a Clif Bar commercial that depicts it.

Acid Rock

In a report released this week by the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute, it appears that carbon levels effect more then just us land lubbers. Due to absorption of CO2 from the air the acid levels of our oceans is rising, which causes sound to travel further underwater. This spells band news for whales and dolphins who rely on sound for hunting and communication. The prediction from the MBARI is that sound will travel 70% further by the year 2050. Whales would be heavily impacted as their behavior can be disrupted from a mlitary sonar 300 miles away.

Think of it as our world suddenly getting way, way brighter, blindingly bright with no sunglasses anywhere.

Quick chemistry lesson:
pH (short for power of hydrogen) is a base (the opposite of an acid), as acid levels increase the pH goes down. It is a delicate balance as anyone that owns a pool will tell you.

Song Of The Day

Look over to your right and you will see the Song Of The Day. I intend to update this everyday, except on the weekends, with songs that you have hopefully not heard or bands that you have not heard of. I will also leave up the Song Of Yesterday just in case you miss it. Stay Tunes.

The 10 Commandments Guidelines of Concert Behavior

VIII.Thou Shalt Not Sing Along Unless Explicitly Directed by the Performer(s)

Fact is, no one paid to hear your interpretations of these songs, even if you are convinced that your vocal performance is a vast improvement over the original. Even if you sang in your high school's choir both years they went to the state competition. I think pretty much everyone can agree that Tunde Adebimpe has some great pipes. But I don't care if a vocalist can't carry a tune in a bucket. Leonard Cohen has openly admitted to having the vocal range of a doorbell, but I'd still much rather listen to him croak his way through Chelsea Motel than your pitch-perfect rendition.

But don't worry, there are plenty of opportunities each and every day for you to test your singing chops, even if you aren't a professional performer. Warm up with a few numbers in the shower, and once you're limber, really cut loose during your commutes. Sing to your kids instead of screaming at them. Sing to your co-workers and/or classmates if you must. Find a nice karaoke bar and wrestle the mic away from the 300-pound bearded actuary whose not-so-secret dream is to play Maria in a Broadway revival of West Side Story. If that still doesn't satiate you, by all means, head down to the mall to be discovered the next time American Idol comes to town.

Unfortunately, we pretty much have to throw this rule out the window if the performer dips a toe into the singalong pool. I've never understood why I would pay to watch someone perform, then actively participate. I realize the singalong plays an important role in the oral tradition of most cultures. But when I shell out $100 for a ticket, $10 for parking and $8 for a poor imitation of a respectable cocktail, not even Alhaji Papa Susso himself would expect me lift a finger.

Previous Guidelines:
I. Thou Shalt Not Puke
II. Thou Shalt Not Fart
III. Thou Shalt Not Smoke
IV. Thou Shalt Not Take Crappy Pictures With Your Cell Phone
V. Thou Shall Show Up On Time
VI. Thou Shalt Not Request Songs
VII. Thou Shall Respect The Personal Space of Others

VEEP Debate

With one debate down all eyes are on St. Louis for the Vice Presidential Debate scheduled for this Thursday. I believe that this one will be far less predictable then the debate last Friday. Both camps are going to want to keep a tight leash on their kids; Biden has the bad habit of speaking his mind to freely and Palin has no mind to speak of (was that out loud?). They both get defensive when cornered and each one handles this in a different way. Biden gets confrontational which could make him come across as a hot head and Palin stammers and fidgets making her look unprepared and inexperienced. My prediction is that this will be the first silent debate, both candidates will be instructed by their council to not say more than needed and if they adhere to that the whole night will be filled with yes and no answers.

McCain Campaign Stunt Suggestions

At the risk of never being invited to another family function again I am going to post Slates predictions on McCain's next big campaign stunts.

My personal favorite is #9

1. Return to Vietnam and jail himself
2. Offers the post of "vice vice president" to Warren Buffet
3. Challenges Obama to suspend campaign so they both can go and personally drill for offshore oil
4. Learns to use computer
5. Does bombing run over Taliban-controlled tribal areas of Pakistan
6. Offers to forgo salary, sell one house
7. Sex-change operation
8. Suspends campaign until Nov. 4th, offers to start being president right now
9. Sells Alaska to Russia for $700 billion
10. Pledges to serve only one term. OK, half a term

CD Release Dates

I rather enjoy keeping up with what CD's are being release each Tuesday. So I have finally found a website that has a fairly inclusive list of each weeks releases as well as which ones have changed their release dates. You can find it Here

Shot In The Dark

In a Forbes article from the 23rd concerning the Paulson Plan you can find this little gem that should give you some confidence.

...some of the most basic details, including the $700 billion figure Treasury would use to buy up bad debt are fuzzy.

"It's not based on a particular data point," a Treasury spokeswoman told Forbes.com Tuesday. "We just wanted to choose a really large number."

Well I feel a whole hell of a lot better.

Punchline

Video shot at 1000 frames per second with a twist at the end

I Don't Need No College Edumacation

Here is an interview with Charles Murray author of the recently released book Real Education. In the book he argues that we need to do away with Bachelor of Arts degrees since 80% of people are unable to understand what is being taught anyway. Instead he suggests that those 80% go to trade school.

SNL

Saturday Night Live has had trouble in recent years coming up with characters and skits that are as memorable as when they had the likes of Chevy Chase, John Belushi and Steve Martin. There have been some shining moments though such as the The Chronicles of Narnia rap and the More Cowbell skit. This video will also go down as one of the greats, I laughed so hard I nearly wet myself.

Sorry, the embed code doesn't work so I had to link to it instead.

New James Bond Theme Song

The theme song for the new James Bond movie is now available to stream. I must say that I am pleasantly surprised considering that I have never been a big fan of the White Stripes, but I like The Racontuers, go figure.