The 10 Commandments Guidelines of Concert Behavior cont.

I have spent many hours of my life waiting in line at concerts just to have some schmuck that arrived late push his way up to the barricade right next to, or even worse, right in front of me. I hope that guy is reading these rules.

V. Thou Shall Show Up On Time

By the time the lights go down and the roar goes up for the headliner, you should be firmly planted in your seat with beverage in hand. I'd be willing to wager that no one has ever been to a concert at which the headliner started early (or even on time), so there's really no excuse. Show up late and you set off a domino effect of concert faux pas. First, you and your friends (by the way, how late you are is always proportional to the number of people in your group) stupidly walk up and down the aisle three or four times trying to establish how the venue's rows are ordered. Then you'll ask a few seated audience members to identify their row. One of those seated audience members is probably me, and I'm probably pissed. Now that you've located what you hope are your row and seats, you and your friends will begin your well-choreographed dance of siteline obstruction with grand flourishes of seat swapping and outerwear removing, incensing everyone in the rows behind you. Finally, you will start discussing (loudly) who wants what to drink and (louder) who will fetch and pay for drinks before deciding (loudest) that you might as well all go for drinks, thereby treating everyone around you to another parade of butts and nuts, which will be followed by yet another parade of butts and nuts 5 minutes later when you get back. Not cool.

Look, I'm not asking you to be a Boy Scout, but that doesn't mean you can't be prepared. If you're running late, take care of those nagging logistics (drinks, seating situation, last second phone calls and your subzero parka, which you should have left in the car anyway) before you go for your seats in order to minimize the annoyance you cause those seated in your proximity.

Now, maybe you're wondering: Do I need to be on time for the openers as well? The answer, surprisingly, is no. However, you must recognize that many of your fellow audience members are there solely to see the opener. Be respectful of that, and don't ruin the show for them. If you absolutely do not want to be subjected to the opener (I've been there too), simply hang out until they finish, then take your seat.

Exception: Of course, this guideline does not apply to general admission shows. However, if you show up late, you must be willing to accept a crappy view from the back of the venue no matter how frightening, sexy or important you think you are.

Previous Guidelines:
I. Thou Shalt Not Puke
II. Thou Shalt Not Fart
III. Thou Shalt Not Smoke
IV. Thou Shalt Not Take Crappy Pictures With Your Cell Phone