Let's Play Pacman

In honor of the reinstatement of Adam 'Pacman' Jones to the NFL I have set up a poll to predict what will be his ultimate fate this year. Keep in mind that he playing with the Cowboys, not exactly a team that hasn't had their more than fair share of disciplinary problems in the past, and the fact that he is now on a team with Tank Johnson, who just got reinstated to play last year after a string of legal problems. You can't mix gas and fire without getting an explosion, but I quite enjoy some nice pyrotechnics occasionally.

The best quote that I have heard concerning this is from Doug Guttlieb with ESPN, he said "Putting Pacman Jones in Dallas with Michael Irving as a role model and surrounding him with T.O. is like putting Jared from Subway in front of a bunch of buffets."

Rules of Rock

I am really getting tired of all these rules and regulations so I know that you guys are too. Just a couple more days and we will be through the Rules of Rock and I will move on to something else, I promise. But until then:

VIII - Don't Force Philosophical Lyrics - The patience I have for this was used up a long time ago. I'm speaking of the songwriters that use contradictions in order to sound deep and thoughtful such as "In a place so dark I can see so clear" and things of that nature. This really does not make you profound or wise.

The 10 Commandments Guidelines of Concert Behavior cont.

I have spent many hours of my life waiting in line at concerts just to have some schmuck that arrived late push his way up to the barricade right next to, or even worse, right in front of me. I hope that guy is reading these rules.

V. Thou Shall Show Up On Time

By the time the lights go down and the roar goes up for the headliner, you should be firmly planted in your seat with beverage in hand. I'd be willing to wager that no one has ever been to a concert at which the headliner started early (or even on time), so there's really no excuse. Show up late and you set off a domino effect of concert faux pas. First, you and your friends (by the way, how late you are is always proportional to the number of people in your group) stupidly walk up and down the aisle three or four times trying to establish how the venue's rows are ordered. Then you'll ask a few seated audience members to identify their row. One of those seated audience members is probably me, and I'm probably pissed. Now that you've located what you hope are your row and seats, you and your friends will begin your well-choreographed dance of siteline obstruction with grand flourishes of seat swapping and outerwear removing, incensing everyone in the rows behind you. Finally, you will start discussing (loudly) who wants what to drink and (louder) who will fetch and pay for drinks before deciding (loudest) that you might as well all go for drinks, thereby treating everyone around you to another parade of butts and nuts, which will be followed by yet another parade of butts and nuts 5 minutes later when you get back. Not cool.

Look, I'm not asking you to be a Boy Scout, but that doesn't mean you can't be prepared. If you're running late, take care of those nagging logistics (drinks, seating situation, last second phone calls and your subzero parka, which you should have left in the car anyway) before you go for your seats in order to minimize the annoyance you cause those seated in your proximity.

Now, maybe you're wondering: Do I need to be on time for the openers as well? The answer, surprisingly, is no. However, you must recognize that many of your fellow audience members are there solely to see the opener. Be respectful of that, and don't ruin the show for them. If you absolutely do not want to be subjected to the opener (I've been there too), simply hang out until they finish, then take your seat.

Exception: Of course, this guideline does not apply to general admission shows. However, if you show up late, you must be willing to accept a crappy view from the back of the venue no matter how frightening, sexy or important you think you are.

Previous Guidelines:
I. Thou Shalt Not Puke
II. Thou Shalt Not Fart
III. Thou Shalt Not Smoke
IV. Thou Shalt Not Take Crappy Pictures With Your Cell Phone

Rules of Rock cont.

VII. Hidden Tracks - Hidden songs are always fun to discover but I don't have a lot of patience to go and search for them. If you want to put a hidden track on your album, good on ya! As long as it is not some ridiculously high track number. The worst case of this I have ever seen is Tool's album Undertow where the hidden track is after 59 0:05 empty tracks. Along the same lines, don't let the last song play on for 15 minutes of silence before the song starts. If you are going to do this it better be a really good song, and if it's that good of a song it should have made it on the album as a recognized track. The glowing example of how to do a hidden track is Pearl Jam's Ten album. The liner notes say that there are 11 songs but there are actually 12; no empty tracks and no moments of silence.

From the World Record to the Super Bowl?

This is a joke right? In the immortal words of Mitch Hedberg "It's like if you worked hard to be a really good cook and now you're a really good cook, they'd say 'OK, you're a cook, but can you farm?' It has to do with cooking but it's not cooking" This is a perfect example of that. I'm sure that this is not the first time that this discussion has come up. He has probably been approached by GM's and owners in the past. This has been tried a couple of times in the past, namely Justin Gatlin, former World Champion and Gold medalist in the Athens games. He is now serving a four year suspension from track and field for doping. Last year he tried out for the Bucs, Titans and Texans. He was picked up as a free agent with the Bucs, and he was never heard of again.

This video says everything that I want to say.

Rules of Rock cont.

VI. End the Track - This is unfortunately a common occurrence on most punk albums. You've just laid down a killer track and everyone is stoked so at the end you all decide to go on an improv session except that none of you are talented enough to make it sound like anything other than a chaotic mess. End The Track! There are very few bands that I can think of that do this well; Dave Matthews Band and Joe Satriani come to mind.

The Blessed Season Has Come Again

Today was the draft for Fantasy Football which can mean only one thing, football season is right around the corner. This is my favorite time a year and the wife's least favorite. This means that for the next 5 months, if it's Sunday, Monday, the occasional Thursday, or Thanksgiving, if the TV is on it will be on football.

These first couple of days after the draft for Fantasy Football are my least favorite because now I have to find out who the computer gave me and who is still available to trade up for. You see the way the league it set up is that the draft is automated meaning that you tell the computer which players you want and it tries to get them for you, if they aren't available then they grab the next best thing, which I think is a big lie, how can the next best thing be Rex Grossman.

Now I will end up spending most of my free time repairing the dreadful team that I have been dealt. It's not as if this has done me any good in the past. In the last few years that I have been playing Fantasy Football I have never gotten out of the regular season. But this year bring a new twist to the game, AugustFilet has decided to join up and take part in the festivities. Atleast this guarantees me one win for the year.

Rules of Rock cont.

V. Song Names pt. II - There has been a trend lately for bands to name their songs excruciatingly long titles. It is hard enough to remember the name of a song by anything other than "You know, that song that goes like this (hums a few bars)". Unfortunately the main culprit is a artist that I actually enjoy quite throughly, that right, I'm looking at you Sufjan Stevens.

Hotter 'N Hell 100

The Hotter 'N Hell 100 was Saturday and even though I think that I have done some difficult things in the past year of races nothing compares to Saturday's grueling event. Although it wasn't hotter than Hell the temperature did peak at 97 degrees.

Here is my review of the ride, at least from my view point.

We drove in Friday night and arrived to where we were going to camp for the night a little after 10:00. I have never seen so many tents set up on every available patch of grass in front of an agricultural center, once you stepped inside you knew why everyone was camping outside (there was a distinct aroma of livestock). Luckily the night was fairly cool so sleeping wasn't quite as brutal as it could have been on a Texas August night. The alarm went off at 5:45 and we commenced the pre-ride preparation, mainly meaning waiting in line to use the bathroom. The ride started at 7:00am with an army band playing The National Anthem and a 4 plane fly by and then the cannon fire to officially start the race (which scared the hell out of me). The first 30 miles Kati and I stuck together and had a rather good pace going. Around mile 30 Kati said I could take off if I wanted to so I did just that. My intention was to stop at Hell's Gate and wait up for her so that we could finish the ride together. My assumption was that Hell's Gate was going to be this big hoorah since that is the spot that you have to make it to within a certain time limit in order to be able to finish the ride. I was so wrong. Not only was there no rest stop that I saw, there was a sign with an arrow saying Hell's Gate this way and by the time you realized that you had been led astray it was too late to turn around and go back, so I didn't end up taking my first rest stop until mile 70. I waited there for Kati, ate some orange slices, bananas and refilled my water. Just as I was getting on my bike Kati goes zooming by so now I have to play chase for the next couple of miles to catch up. We did end of riding the remaining 25 miles together, which I don't know about her, but I really needed the company and motivation. In the last 20 miles we had to stop twice and eat something, that is the main lesson from this ordeal, keep eating. At the second rest stop, at mile 80, we ate more oranges, more bananas and some of those generic super market peanut butter cookies, which normally I really don’t like but I have had them a number of times at races and there is nothing better when you are dog tired and hungry. After the second rest stop we got another 15 miles and had to stop again to eat or I was going to hit my nutritional breaking point. If you are keeping up with the math on this you will see that we stopped at mile 95 of a 102 mile ride, not one of my finer moments. In the end we finished together hand in hand, and made our way to the oasis that was a fire hose spraying in the distance to cool off and be soaked by something other than our sweat. Our final finishing time was around five and a half hours of actual peddle time.

I always tell Kati that she will have to ask me the day after a race if I had a good time but now that it has been a few days and I have a had a good night sleep I can say that I would like to do this again next year. I have learned a lot about myself and my limits, and hopefully learned how to surpass those limits in the future.

Rules of Rock cont.

This next topic is screwed up in so many different ways that it gets slot 4 and 5

IV. Song Names pt. I - A band name is one of the most important decisions that you will make as a performer. If you are able to come up with a clever or unique name then congratulations, but no matter how clever that name is it should never be used as the name of a song as well. (i.e. I'm From Barcelona - We're From Barcelona)